its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
