I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
