Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
