oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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