i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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