Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
