Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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