Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
