Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
