remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
