Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
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I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?