Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera

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(818): this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera http://tfl.nu/scvo

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(705): View more from Ontario

Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence

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(705): Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence http://tfl.nu/779y

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(661): View more from California

is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?

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(661): is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero? http://tfl.nu/iroh

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(646): View more from New York

My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.

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(646): My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/3g6q

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(740): View more from Ohio

i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.

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(740): i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast. http://tfl.nu/envw

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(408): View more from California

Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.

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(408): Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same. http://tfl.nu/sgs8

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.

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(617): I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples. http://tfl.nu/l51o

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(+49): View more from Germany

he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit

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(+49): he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit http://tfl.nu/mxfj

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(813): View more from Florida

Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.

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(813): Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials. http://tfl.nu/g3k6

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(636): View more from Missouri

I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.

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(636): I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle. http://tfl.nu/niba

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(519): View more from Ontario

It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.

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(519): It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well. http://tfl.nu/djcp

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.

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(601): I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/oz16

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(602): View more from Arizona

You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.

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(602): You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice. http://tfl.nu/i4j5

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(360): View more from Washington

I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.

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(360): I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend. http://tfl.nu/rb31

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(613): View more from Ontario

you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.

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(613): you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers. http://tfl.nu/797e

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