it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
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Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.