TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.