So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT