he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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