It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
