Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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