Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
this is an emotional support booty call
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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