yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
