I hate your face
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
