please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
