Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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