well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
