If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
