I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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