i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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