Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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