i think my tv is drunk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
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So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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