we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
