when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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