I seem to have left my pride at pride
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
