I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
