Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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