im drinking this country out of the recession.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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