mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
