she woke up with a sticky ear
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
