i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
