dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
