I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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