i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
