Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
