You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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