it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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