Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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