I showed him my bush... on skype.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
