you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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