do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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