I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
