after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
