no, he came in my armpit
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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