Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
