we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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