I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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