$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
