toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
