I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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