The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
