yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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