You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
