Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
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I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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