your room smells of hookers.
And success
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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