He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
