you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
